Gangr Amnesia

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The following question was recently posted in the Comments section.

“I often hear berserkers saying they’ve blacked out during gangrs. That’s only happened to me a couple times for very brief periods. What’s more common for me is, in my gangr state, I’m aware of what’s happening and able to remember a some things, but it’s like I’m watching from the outside, almost out of body but that’s not quite the right way to explain. It’s like my mind is a passive obsever who is in no way controlling what the Beast is doing. And my memory of the event will be spotty. But I seldom have actual amnesia, just a loss of control and cant remember certain details after. Is that common?”

This is a matter of both luck and experience. Most berserkers start with complete blackouts and amnesia every time they berserk. With experience, foggy memories start to appear, and the kind of dissociated awareness that is described here. With even more experience, complete awareness and memory are retained.

Some few are just lucky enough to always be aware. That is rather rarer than what I described above, though.

This is all because the berserker state of mind is radically different than the normal human one. Its awareness is very different. The way it lays down memories and accesses them is different. The human mind has to become familiar enough with these differences for it to be able to access those memories, or latch onto the Beast’s awareness.

24 thoughts on “Gangr Amnesia”

  1. Interesting. Thanks for answering my question. One thing that prompted the question is I was looking up intermittent explosive disorder (which I think I have but hard to be sure, as other mental “illnesses” can mimic it perfectly) and it didn’t list amnesia, though I know amnesia can happen with IED. Then I found something about a new “disorder” called Berserker/blind rage syndrome and it did list amnesia as a prerequisite. I fit more with the IED because of the palpitations, tingling feelings, loss of control, disproportionate reactions to things that should only be minor irritations. I don’t think I have the other syndrome cause I don’t always have the amnesia, though I do zone out often and have the foggy memory, even from just minor moments of stress. Anyway that got me wondering if there were maybe multiple kinds of “syndromes” (I hate calling it a disorder or illness) that cause different kinds of berserkers. “Luck vs. Experience” I think it’s just luck with me. I’ve never even had an initiation but I have worked hard on changing reflexive behavior patterns, plus gone to therapy.

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    • I have also experienced black outs due to anger. Like you, I worked through somethings in therapy. But it wasn’t until I started “owning”, my berserker nature and doing my daily spiritual and physical practice, that I did not fear going into a black out “accidentally”. I am now aware when those times are near as well as having better control over my innate nature to use for healing and other practices. Knowing myself, consciously and especially figuring out my sub conscious, made a huge difference in my practice. I did take an initiation, I prepared for a year, It was almost 7 years ago now, and I still maintain the positive effects of facing my inner beast.

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      • Sounds like you have a lot of experience. What did you do for your initiation? PS I’m thinking of starting a forum so berserkers can ask each other advice without being so public

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    • Jan Edward Crate,For me the basics are essential. Rest, proper food, mindfulness and exercise of some sort. Beyond that for me, singing (Galder) to feed my Spirit, journaling, study, dancing, cooking and sewing. I do many things in Devotion to my Gods, which include a few of the things listed but they also include hosting public Moots, connecting people, personal expediences and Healing. I am healing an injury so my physical practices are backed off for a bit while I gain strength. I have what I call the “Temple Rules”, Eat, Sing, Exercise, Study, Journaling. I reach out to my Gods on a daily basis in one form or another. I hope this was helpful. Feel free to reach out if you wish. wlfwomyn2000@yahoo.com

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  6. So y’all, my other gmail account is messing up on me. But here’s my older one: galvorika09@gmail.com. I may be able to get around to making a berserker forum today, after I try and fix my car. My windshield wiper is messed up and it’s been raining cats and dogs.

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  7. Way land I have a question for you. If you sang galdr and sat in a rune circle with the ehwaz rune painted upon your forehead could you beseech Odin to stir up wod and bring out the berserk gangr whilst causing yourself pain through cutting or heat.

    Of course you would need a rune priest priestess to watch over you to step in if need be. I ask as years ago this was what I practised with a runic scholar who aborted the ritual as he got scared as I began to seethe and he ran in and wiped the ehwaz rune off my head.

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    • Well, such runic techniques were used in Trollaukin, during the Interregnum. Some modern berserkers do similar things. It does take more time, ritual, and effort to do it that way, though, and the success rate is much lower.

      You have to choose your sitters with care. They can mess up your progress that way, or get themselves hurt if they do something stupid when you do elevate. Like one in a public ritual I did who felt the need to bring me down, and came up and touched me from behind. Nearly lost his teeth when the wolf’s reflexes kicked in. Fortunately, I huvardka well.

      Rune priest? What is that? Not a traditional concept.

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      • Yeah…this explains why I’m afraid to do things with a sitter, but also afraid to do things without one…Wayland, are what techniques can be safely tried alone?

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      • Ha ha. I am not a good person to ask about that kind of thing. I have a very hardcore path, and I voluntarily, with knowledge of what I am doing, take a lot of risks. I do most practices alone.

        The runic practices, or anything that does not involve physical harm or risk, are going to be the safest to do alone. As for anything risky or harmful, for most people, a sitter will be best. Sorry if that’s kind of vague.

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      • Yeah I’m not on there much either but the page came up when I searched somafera. The guy does, at least, reference his sources and pAy tribute to where he got his info. I disagree with some of his politics that he posted, but I shouldn’t judge on just that. Lol I’m so opinionated it’s hard not to though…that’s something I maybe need to work through.

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  10. Wayland, I’m one of the moderators for the Facebook page, We created it in hopes of teaching people about your work, however me and my friend know very little about it ourselves.

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